


Clair De Lune

by padfootagain



Category: British Actor RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-17 19:06:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16980111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/padfootagain/pseuds/padfootagain
Summary: Ben never told you how he felt. Now you are about to leave to the other side of the world with your boyfriend. But as the notes play on the piano, he can’t hold back his confession anymore…





	Clair De Lune

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for an event on tumblr with the prompts :  
> 5\. “I fucked up, right?”  
> 12\. “You’re not perfect, and that’s precisely what I love about you.”  
> 32\. “Just kiss me already…”  
> 45\. “You’re a sweetheart when you don’t act like an arse.”  
> 51\. “I’m sorry I’m late. I’m two fucking years late…”  
> Hope you like it!

You had disappeared from the crowd. His eyes were searching through the known faces but he couldn’t find you anywhere. He spotted your boyfriend, his jaw clenching immediately at the sight. Apparently it was serious this time between you and this guy. It wasn’t one of your usual flings. You were about to move in with him. At the thought, Ben’s heart tightened, and he rested a hand on his chest, the pain piercing his torso.

He should have told you a long time ago…

When you had met he wasn’t single. And then you were the one who was bounded to someone else. Then he was away. And you were drowning in your work…

It looked like you two always had a good reason not to admit to the other how you really felt.

But then you had met this guy. Andrew. Tall, blond, kind, rather handsome… and what Ben had considered at first like one of your flings became much more while he was away shooting a movie.

And he had finally realized that he was probably going to lose you for good this time.

If only he had spoken before, if only he had been braver in the first place. But there was no need to look back at the past, it was too late now. At least, that’s what he kept repeating to himself, but it felt like his heart was heavy with regrets he couldn’t refrain.

He still wanted to find you. It was almost midnight. A brand new year was about to start, full of promises and opportunities… and broken hearts. And without a doubt, Ben would be part of the unlucky ones.

So he walked through the kitchen to the main room, zigzagging throughout the men and women who had attended the posh party. Ben was bored, he hoped he could go home the second he would have wished you a happy new year. He was too depressed to enjoy a party. All he wanted to do was to crawl under his covers and stay in his bed forever.

You weren’t in the large living room either, so he walked to an adjacent room, finding a corridor.

And that was when he heard it.

A peaceful sound. Notes played on a piano that sounded so light, as if they were floating in mid-air. He recognized the song in a second.

You were playing this song the day he had seen you for the first time.

He followed the music slowly, his footsteps hesitant, his eyes closed. He could see you all over again, in this little bar in LA. In the middle of a karaoke, you had stood up, and played this soothing song. And for as long as your fingers had danced over the piano, time had stopped.

He should have bought you a drink that night. He should have invited you to take a coffee. He should have left his girlfriend and asked you on a date. No one had ever made his whole being tremble like you had that night, like you still did every time he saw you. But instead, he had blushed, and tried not to stare at you. Friendship came naturally the following months, through a common friend. Although, Ben had never seen a friend in you.

He finally reached the right door. You had left it open, and he looked up, leaning against the doorframe. He watched as your graceful fingers flew above the piano keys. He took in the sight of your black backless dress, the sight of your hair that fell loosely around you. He couldn’t see your face, you were turning your back to him, but he didn’t mind. He could study the movements of your shoulder blades then as you played.

You played this song every time you found a piano. You said it reminded you of your grand-mother. You had never told him why though. He never admitted it to you, but he had bought a little piano to put in his flat just so that you could play when you would come to his home.

But you and Andrew wanted to move in Australia. Or well, Andrew wanted to move in Australia to get a promotion. You were ready to follow. The three streets that separated your homes would become thousands of miles. He could not here you play _Clair de Lune_ on his piano again.

A tear rolled down his cheek at the thought, staying trapped in his beard, but he didn’t brush it away. He hadn’t even noticed the droplet as it had escaped his eyes. He merely kept on staring at you. Perhaps it was the last time he heard you playing this song…

Without you, life seemed so pale, as if all the colours had been taken away from the world. Nothing mattered to him anymore. He hadn’t called his agent for weeks, but he didn’t care. He hadn’t eaten a proper meal in days, he hadn’t slept more than a few hours per night since he had learned the news. You were about to move in with your boyfriend in another country, and he had missed his chance to be with you. He wondered if his life would always be tasteless from now on. He guessed it would be, you were the reason why the world was beautiful to him. And now that he had lost you, he couldn’t manage to find any good reason to live.

The more you played, the more tears were rolling down his face, but he was oblivious of the salty liquid that wetted his cheeks.

He recognized the last notes, and you stopped.

“You’re stalking on me now?” you asked, joking, as you had recognized Ben’s steps as he was walking into the room.

But before you could turn around, he spoke, his voice hoarse and hushed like a whisper.

“Play again,” he breathed.

“You didn’t hear that one enough yet?”

“You’re beautiful when you play.”

You turned to him, immediately noticing his red eyes and wet cheeks.

“Ben, what’s wrong?” you asked, worried already.

“Could you play again?” he merely asked once more.

“What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re crying, Ben.”

He finally noticed the water on his cheeks and beard, and he swept them away.

“It’s nothing.”

“You don’t usually cry for nothing, though.”

But instead of answering, he walked to the piano, and sat next to you.

“You taught me once how to play this song” he said softly, a small smile appearing on his face at the memory. “Do you remember?”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“I never managed to play it as well as you do,” he laughed.

“You never played it as many times as I have.”

“Play it again, please,” he asked one more time.

“Why?”

“I like to watch you play.”

You didn’t answer. So he lifted his hands, his fingers brushing upon the piano keys, and he played the first notes. He stopped, and he played from the beginning again when you didn’t join him. At the third attempt, you gave in and your hands joined his on the instrument.

It felt wonderful to play with him. You were in perfect sync, as if you were made to play together like this.

Your four hands slowly moved through the song, forming delicate notes that created some kind of cocoon around the two of you. The world was gone for a while, and you were left to the peaceful music and Ben’s reassuring presence by your side.

Your rhythm slowed down when you reached the end of the song, as if you didn’t want this moment to stop.

But eventually, you played the last notes, and the music stopped, and both you and Ben remained silent for a while, motionless.

His little finger was brushing against yours, resting on the white and black keys.

“When are you leaving?” he asked softly, his voice shaking, but he didn’t try to hide it.

“It’s early still, it’s not even midnight,” you replied, trying to sound casual, although you knew what he meant to ask was not about New Year’s Eve.

“In a couple of weeks, right?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“Sydney is… so far away.”

“Don’t be sad,” you said, nudging him playfully, although your own tone was full of pain at the idea of leaving Ben behind. “You’ll come see me. I’ll show you the town. Well, it’s true that I won’t come knocking at your door with some Chinese food in the middle of the night. But I reckon it’s just going to mean more peace for you! And… you won’t have to bear all my flaws all day long anymore. So cheer up.”

But Ben shook his head.

“I’ll miss you,” he breathed, and a new tear fell on the piano.

“I’ll miss you too, you know?” you said.

“I don’t want you to leave.”

“Your life will be much more peaceful without me as your neighbour.”

But he shook his head again.

“I love the fact that you come uninvited to my flat with dinner,” he said, looking at nothing, his eyes resting on the wall before him, but you knew he didn’t see anything.“I love the fact that you constantly decide what we’re going to watch on TV. I love it when you storm in my flat whenever I’m sick to take care of me. I love how messy my living room is when you leave the next morning. I love to wake up with a painful neck because we fell asleep on the sofa together. I love the fact that you’re completely unable to read a map. I love the way you constantly fail to respect any New Year resolution. I love the way you roll your eyes when you’re drunk. I love the way you burn anything you try to cook. _You’re not perfect, and that’s precisely what I love about you.”_

He shrugged, sniffing, the tears running down his face without him being able to hold them back.

“I know it’s too late,” he breathed, his voice made hoarse and messy by all these feelings he had kept inside him for so long and that now seemed to fight their way out of him, and he couldn’t fight back against them anymore. “I’m sorry. I wish… I wish I had been braver in the first place. I wish we… I wish I could go back in time to the night we met. I should have… I should have done something. Things could be so different now. I… _I fucked up, right?”_

He sniffed again, looking up at the ceiling and taking a deep breath in a desperate attempt to finally calm down and come back to this senses. But he failed miserably…

He looked down at the piano, sniffing one more time, his dark eyes now reddened and swollen by his crying. And all you could do was stare at him.

What else could you do? He had basically confessed the fact that he would have wanted something to happen between the two of you…

“Ben,” you whispered as you found out that all the air had suddenly been taken from your lungs. “What is all this supposed to mean?”

He closed his eyes. He was going to lose you anyway. What was the point in being cautious? He had lost you already… You loved someone else, you were about to fly away to another continent to follow the damn guy. His heart was broken already…

“I love you,” he whispered.

You stared at him for a moment, but you couldn’t imagine for a second that he meant… that…

“You’re my best friend, Ben,” you said, smiling, hoping he wouldn’t notice that you were shaking. “Of course I love you…”

“No, Y/N,” he interrupted you, turning towards you, and you fell into his dark eyes drowning in tears. “You don’t get it. I _love_ you. I fell in love you the first time I heard you play this song. You remember? You were so beautiful that night… I should have asked you for a date. I should have broken up with my girlfriend right away. But you were so… you.”

He shrugged again, his eyes still fixed upon yours, and you barely noticed the tears that were now wetting your cheeks.

“I was just so scared. I was a fool,” he went on. “I thought I would have a better occasion later. And I probably had dozens of good occasions, but the truth is… I was never brave enough to tell you how I really feel and take the risk to lose you. But then… I’ve lost you now, so… I bet you’ll end up marrying Andrew, and you’ll forget me. And that’s okay. I’d rather have you happy with someone else than sad with me. I love you enough to let you go. I hope you forget me, and have the happiest life imaginable with him. He seems to be a decent man. Although… I’ll never forget you. I don’t think… I’ll never stop loving you. Even if you’re not here anymore.”

He rested his palm on your cheek, his thumb brushing against your cheekbone.

“I’m sorry,” he breathed. “I’m sorry for everything… _I’m sorry I’m late. I’m two fucking years late…_ ”

Suddenly, the sound of people shouting in the distance reached your ears. They were counting down to the New Year.

10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1…

Loud shouts and music.

And Ben’s eyes that were still fixed on yours, and you wished he would never look away, because they felt like music. They were able to make the world freeze, even if it was just for a moment…

“Happy New Year, Y/N,” Ben smiled.

He leaned down and you didn’t move. When his eyes left yours to come rest on your lips, when his hand moved ever so slightly to hold your face and pulled you closer to him, when the space between your faces shrank… you didn’t react. You should have pushed him away, you should have stopped him. After all, you weren’t single. But for some reason, Andrew was not in your mind at all, and you closed your eyes once Ben was close enough to you for you to feel his breath against your slightly parted lips… and the sensation made your very soul shake.

His lips brushed against yours, just enough for you to feel how soft they were. It was like kissing cotton…

His lips rested upon yours, and they moved softly, as if he was afraid to hurt you if he pressed them too hard against your mouth. You couldn’t refrain a soft moan, and that was the end of you…

He tasted like tears, and whiskey, and honey, and sunrises, and music… He tasted exactly like the memories you shared with him.

Everything about the kiss was gentle, from the kiss in itself to the way he held your face close to his, and how his fingers ran through your hair… It felt like… like he was worshipping you, trying to carve this instant in his memory.

No one had ever kissed you like this before…

When he finally pulled away, you could feel he was reluctant to let go.

And when he looked into your eyes again, he could see that you didn’t want him to let go either…

So he slowly dived towards your lips again and soon he was close enough for you to feel his soft skin brush against yours, and you rested a hand on his cheek as well, your fingers tickled in a delightful way by his short beard…

Until…

“Y/N?”

Both you and Ben jumped at the sound of Andrew’s voice. He was standing there, on the threshold, staring at the two of you, and both you and Ben instantly stood up, putting some distance between the two of you, your faces turning in a bright shade of red.

“Andrew…” you breathed.

“I guess I’m interrupting something,” your boyfriend said angrily.

“It’s my fault,” Ben said before you could speak again. “We both had a bit too much champagne…”

“You kissed my girl?”

“I’m sorry.”

“And you let him kiss you?” Andrew asked, turning towards you, fury making his voice shake.

“I…” you started, but Ben interrupted you.

“It’s not her fault. She’s drunk, and I’m the one who initiated it. It’s not her fault.”

“You take advantage of drunk women now?” Andrew spat, his attention focused on Ben again.

“I’m sorry…”

But Andrew had stridden through the room and before you could react, he had punched Ben in the face.

“Ben!”

He fell backwards against the piano, holding his already bleeding lips, a discordant melody ringing through the room as he rested his hand on the piano keys to try to keep his balance.

You stopped Andrew when he raised his fist again.

“Stop, stop!”

“He kissed you! The son of a bitch! I should have seen this one coming, the best friend…”

“Andrew, stop!”

You placed yourself right between the two men, while Ben was standing straighter again behind you.

“Andrew, stop it!”

“I deserved it though,” Ben mumbled.

“You, shut up!” you ordered.

“Y/N, move away, I think your friend and I have something to take care of,” Andrew said, trying to push you to the side.

But you only stood straighter.

“I’m not drunk,” you said before Ben could speak again.

Andrew stared intensely at you.

“So…”

“So… it happened and I… I have no idea…” you stuttered, unable to express how you felt.

The truth was, you weren’t sure to know how you felt.

“You have no idea how you ended up snogging your best friend?” your boyfriend spat.

“Andrew…”

“I think… I think we should go take a walk,” he said. “So we can talk about all this together, okay?”

You looked at Ben behind you. He was blushing hard, and you could see he was ashamed of himself for having kissed you when you were not single. But there was this determined glint in his eyes too. The glint that told you that he didn’t want you to leave. That he was ready to fight for you this time. That if you chose him, he wouldn’t let you down.

Which jump were you supposed to take?

“Y/N?” Andrew called for you, but your eyes were still resting on Ben.

You closed your eyes. Because the truth was, your heart already knew what was the best choice for you. You just had to follow it instead of your head this time. Unlike what you had done when you accepted to move in Sydney with a man you knew you would never love like you loved Ben… After all, what could be stronger than love at first sight?

“Y/N?”

You turned to Andrew again, and you didn’t need to speak for him to know that he had lost already.

“I’m sorry…” you whispered.

But he didn’t let you finish your speech, and walked out of the room, leaving you alone with Ben again.

You turned towards him once more.

“I think you and your boyfriend just broke up,” he said softly. “I wish I could say that I’m sorry…”

“I know you’re not though,” you replied.

You took his arm, and forced him to sit down again.

“Let me see,” you said, taking his hand and pulling it away from his face.

His lip was cut, slightly bleeding, but it didn’t seem to be serious. You took a tissue from your bag, and pressed it against his lips, cleaning his face. He winced, but didn’t protest.

“What happens now then?” he asked softly.

“I’m cleaning your bleeding face,” you replied.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know.”

“So?”

You stared at each other for a moment.

“I really do love you,” he whispered. “I know I fucked up. I know I made lots of mistakes but… I really, truly do love you. I know I acted like a moron. But I need you. Y/N?”

A smile slowly formed on your face.

“ _You’re a sweetheart when you don’t act like an arse_ ,” you breathed.

You exchanged a sad smile.

“I’m sorry for everything.”

“You don’t have to be.”

“I’ll stop acting like an arse if you give me a chance. Y/N… Please, just one. I can’t live without you…”

“Shut up,” you breathed. “Shut up and… just… _Just kiss me already…_ ”

You didn’t have to say it twice. A second later, he was pressing his lips to yours, oblivious of his painful cut, and he captured your mouth in a kiss that was much more passionate than the one you had shared earlier, but you loved it all the same.

When you broke away, he held you tightly in his arms, as if he didn’t want to ever let go of you, as if he was desperate to keep you next to him. No one had ever seemed to need you like he did. And you knew that you had never needed anyone like you needed him either.

“I’ll make you happy, I promise,” he whispered in your ear. “I’d do anything for you. I swear, I swear I’ll spend my whole life doing whatever I can to make you happy. Life will be great with me, you’ll see. I won’t disappoint you.”

“I know. I know, Ben,” you said, because somehow, you knew he was the key to happiness for you. “And I’ll try to make you happy too.”

He chuckled.

“As long as you stay by my side, I’ll be the happiest man on this earth.”

“Sounds like a deal.”

You unwrapped your arms from around his neck, turning towards the piano again. And as you started to play, Ben kept you against his chest, an arm wrapped around you, dropping kisses on your head and temple.

And he listened in silence, looking at you, his eyes full of love and awe, as you played _Clair de Lune_ again…


End file.
